Mom Jeans and Mimosas

"People might think that having faith, religion or beliefs in something bigger than themselves is a sign of weakness, on the contrary, it's a sign of strength. For it takes more to believe in something unseen then to believe in oneself." I wrote this sometime ago while sitting at Mosaic. I remember being very happy sitting in church that day. You see, I'm typically a happy person. I'd say I'm emotional, A bit obsessive, compassionate and somewhat of a hypochondriac.

This last week I have been struggling. Exactly 7 days ago, I was walking to my car when I saw my thumb jump on its own. Panicked, I called my husband. You see I watch a lot of dramatic television and I automatically thought that I was suffering from a neurological disease. It was actually at that very moment that anxiety set in. Like a blanket it washed over me giving me intense nausea, diarrhea and thoughts of sadness. I felt crippled. I couldn't function normally. Working on my blog and being active on Instagram were things of the past. I no longer had joy in my heart. It was replaced by sadness.

I sought out some help from my doctor who told me that I was overthinking things and said I had a sprain in my wrist. After that, I still didn't feel relieved. My brain was working hard trying to discourage me from happiness. Several days passed like this. A back-and-forth war raged on inside of me. I wished that there was something that somebody could say that would make everything snap back into place. But there wasn't. Even now as I write this, I'm a little anxious. But I want to share with you the things that were slowly changing my heart. They were talks I had with my father, my husband, and my brother that helped me back away from the edge. You see, you can't do everything alone. And as embarrassing as it felt, admitting I was scared allowed them to offer me words of encouragement. For that, I cannot be ashamed. I learned to listen to my body and not to Google. I had to learn to decipher actual pain from made up pain that anxiety was causing. I also turned to my Bible, specifically the scriptures that address worry and anxiety. I prayed earnestly. I allowed my heart to pour out over prayer. I noticed every prayer started with Thanksgiving. Here I was in pain but thanking God unintentionally for my whole life...

We don't really know why things happen. But God has presented us with the tools that we need to get us through. Those tools come in many different forms. For me, talking to people who care about me, praying, reading the Scripture and taking some time off helped to aid my anxiety were the foundation to my well being. Waking up thankful for my children, husband and life fueled me to get out of bed. 

I don't know what the future holds. I only know that I am alive right now. The Bible says: "Can worrying add a single hour to your life?" No. So I am choosing not to worry. And through this trial I have noticed that God has given me so much patience that I had lacked before. I move slower now taking in the day as it comes. I have quit drinking caffeine for the moment. It's actually been over a week since I've had even a drop of coffee. I cherish my children so much. I spend nearly the whole day with them. I actually imagine the future with them and it brings me joy. I tell myself that I am fine and I will get through this. And so will you. 

We all face trials in our lives but it's how we get through them that matters. If you are going through something and need help, seek it!  Ask people who care about you.  You can even ask me.  I would love to help.  Thank you for reading this and I hope you found it helpful. 

 As far as my personal condition, I think I am suffering from tendonitis in my thumb or as they call it DeQuevains Tendonitis.  I am in the process of a more specific diagnosis and have begun wearing a brace.  I also limit my time spent on the computer and am now trying physical therapy.  How do you deal with stress and anxiety?


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