The MOMthly column: How not to feel guilty for wanting more


Mom Jeans & Mimosas

I recently had a chat with an old friend.  She and I had a nostalgic conversation that started leaning towards what if's.  I felt myself slipping into memories and thoughts, like a stranger staring in the window of a store.  As if now, in present day, I was on the outside peering into what wasn't mine anymore.  Anymore.  What a strange word.  They were my memories, that was my life and surely that was me in the story.  But what I found to be most strange was that person had this selfish, lust for life in a sort of carefree belonging to no-one spirit.  I suddenly felt un-accomplished amidst my two beautiful children and standing in the house my family helped build.  Weeks after this realization, I suffered a panic attack and several bouts of melancholic days and finally after 6 years, I decided that I was giving everything to everyone else around me and for myself I didn't have anymore.


I'm calling you all out.  I know that you can relate to this in some shape or form.  From co-waking up to a tiny toe in your right nostril to going to bed after washing a seemingly endless pile of dishes.... You give.  You give because you were told to give.  Be good, do good, feel good.  No where was anyone preaching to be a woman who desires.  Instead, we are fed with being a desired woman.  One who would do it all and have time to post on Instagram about it.  But preferably after you did your makeup and before 8 AM because their'd be hell to pay if your engagement suffered.  I mean, how embarrassing right?  Wrong! All wrong. Let's assess this who situation in bullet form.
Mom Jeans & Mimosas

Mom Jeans & Mimosas

Identify

Please don't get me wrong.  These past 6 years have been the happiest time of my life!  I mean, did you ever have a birthday that was so fun you forgot to drink water and go pee?  You suffered a major sugar crash and headache because you forgot about yourself while celebrating yourself?  You just didn't wanna miss anything?  That, my friends is motherhood.  That's being a great wife and parent.  And that is the ultimate struggle.  We as women tend to think that showing strength means showing up.  It means never asking for help.  We show up when no one else does even when we are sick.  But what happens when we can't?  When we've drank too much symbolic punch at our metaphorical parties?
If this is you, it's okay.  It was me for a long time. A very long time.  I even left my personal growth up to my husband.  I let him define who I was (which isn't  terrible especially because hes an amazing human) instead of doing that work myself.  His accomplishments were mine and mine were his.  But I wasn't accomplishing MY goals.  Just the standard expectations of being a Mom.  But I had goals and drive somewhere.  I just misplaced them with my stagnant being.  I knew something had to change.

Assess

When you've suddenly realized that you are allowed to dream and do things no matter your parental situation, you can move towards the changes necessary to allow growth.  In the midst of motherhood, there's almost no time to think.  The cloud of stinky diapers, pre-school applications and grocery lists is a thick one.  One that lingers like a poetic, English morning.  In the fog, I accepted that I was a good Mom and was relevant.  When I finally allowed myself to dive deeper in to my thirst quenched spirit, I found that I'd become complacent and I deeply wanted change.  I spoke with my husband and expressed my longing for spiritual growth and a full blown career of my own.  I had big dreams before we met.  To my surprise, he supported me and my idea's.  In fact, he pushed me to reach for my goals and even offered to help.  I mean, if he trusted me, why didn't I trust me?

Implement 

I started down a path of personal and spiritual growth.  I joined my Church's bible study which ends up feeling like therapy.  I am shocked to hear how similar we as Mom's are while still possessing a multitude of individual talents. I had no idea how profound sharing personal struggles had on my overall attitude and quality of life.  I realized that the anxiety that was blanketing my life was gradually pulled back like the rising of the sun on a new day.  Gently, effortlessly and slowly.  Almost without notice.  Even writing this brings so much joy in knowing how caring our God is and how much he wants us to thrive.  I let go of so much in the past few months but gained it over twofold. I expressed my wants and needs in great detail to my husband who lovingly listens even if he just really wants to sleep.  My capacity to accept turmoil amongst my kids has grown immensely even in the solitude of knowing I could just shout, I don't.  Not everything will work out all the time, but I expect it won't be as arduous if it doesn't.  And that in itself is enough reason to want more.  So I went for it...


Mom Jeans & Mimosas

Soon, my husband and I will be launching my own brand, Tres Vu.  I will be hand picking items and carefully curating a collection in a direct reflection of this very topic of balance.  Tres Vu represents what's always been there but just hasn't bloomed.  A dream that had never been voiced in to existence until now, with all of you watching.

I'm not going to lie, I'm scared beyond belief at having this much control.  I just keep reminding myself these things; life will try to bury you, but you are a seed.  You grow slowly but you grow none the less.  Learn to pour in to others and yourself.  That way, everyone will get watered.  Rest assured that God wants you to create beautiful things and he walks with you through it all.

You can find out more about Très vu here, where you can sign up for emails and notifications.  Or you can take a peek at our rich, Parisian Pinterest board here + our growing Instagram here.


I encourage you to embrace all of who you are and never feel ashamed to set goals so big, they make others uncomfortable.  If your only goal is to be a Mom, do the best you can but if you have a calling to pursue more, stop making excuses and do it now.  Thank you for being so encouraging and supporting in my efforts to bring quality content and real tangible options to doing this whole "Mom" thing.  You guys are my friends, some in real life and some I have yet to meet.  I am constantly inspired by you guys and all that you bring to the table as millennial Mamas.  This is for you!

as always,



Kris


Kristin Dawn Mejia
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