- I’m a terrible liar but you could say the same about children and their judgment. Right? When’s the last time you heard about a toddler making a just decision. That’s when we, as parents, gently guide them to make the better ones by lying our faces off. We embellish, sugar coat, stretch the truth and down right spread a web of deceit because its for their own good. But mostly for the good of ourselves. Over the span of my parenthood journey, I’ve collected a number of feasible lies that have worked time and time again. Take a look and feel free to steal some.
I’d be lying if I said:
You can’t go outside today… It’s closed.
Wait!! It might be poison! **Licks Ice cream**
LegoLand is in Mexico. We can’t go.
Disneyland doesn’t allow diapers. Shall we discuss other options for your birthday?
They don’t sell replacement batteries for that toy.
Okay here’s the countdown! 3, 2, 1, Happy NOON Year!
If you eat enough veggies, they start to taste like candy.
I’m sorry babe, its broken.
If you misbehave Penny, I’m only going to buy you one boob when you turn into a Mom.
If you eat your veggies, you’ll be big and strong like Dada… **see ripped, gym-rat husband here**
Of course Santa is real. But if you stay awake and actually lay eyes on him, you will turn into a toy and be taken to the North Pole. How else do you think Santa gets his mad supply of toys?
Oh those animals are just taking a nap on the road because… because it’s warm. It’s warm. and cozy.
Noooo! Of course I didn’t throw away your homemade slim. Should be here somewhere.. **mumbles to self: I hope it’s not trash day…**
The tooth fairy is taking a sabbatical. Oh, um, it’s like a Jewish Holiday or something.
Teddy would miss his friends Mija. Would’t you miss yours if you were taken from Toys R US? Don’t be cruel.
Ask your Dad. Hes not busy. **the farthest thing from a lie**
If you talk too much at dinner, you get full of air and you pop. **thanks Grandma, extending your Spanish superstitions gives me great joy.**
Toys R US is closed. We can’t go. **Actually not a lie!!!** Thanks Amazon!
I know that seemed short but Yes, that’s the end of Cinderella. She worked hard, obeyed her elders and learned the traditional art of sewing. **the key is to stop the movie right before her step sisters rip her dress to shreds… So anticlimactic I know**
Babies come from Mama’s belly. See this scar? ** when C-sections actually pay off AND make sense**
In order of hierarchy, it goes Jesus, Santa, Mamma. Shall I phone Jesus? Santa is on sabbatical.
I don’t lie. I’m your Mama. Would I lie about that?
I sincerely hope you had a little laugh today, especially with what’s going on in the world. What little lies do you tell your kids? And don’t worry, I won’t tell. **adds to list of lies** Until next time! XoXo